diff --git a/web/src/lib/components/SettingsPopover.svelte b/web/src/lib/components/SettingsPopover.svelte
index 04fb0a9..ac8a3ac 100644
--- a/web/src/lib/components/SettingsPopover.svelte
+++ b/web/src/lib/components/SettingsPopover.svelte
@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 <script lang="ts">
     import Gear from "phosphor-svelte/lib/Gear";
     import { Button, Label, Popover, Radio, Switch, Text } from "kumo-svelte";
-    import { autoRefresh, setAutoRefresh } from "$lib/settings.svelte";
+    import { autoRefresh, brainrotLevel, setAutoRefresh, setBrainrotLevel, type BrainrotLevel } from "$lib/settings.svelte";
     import { setTheme, theme, type Theme } from "$lib/theme.svelte";
 </script>
 
@@ -13,7 +13,7 @@
             </Button>
         {/snippet}
     </Popover.Trigger>
-    <Popover.Content class="w-56" align="end">
+    <Popover.Content class="w-64" align="end">
         <div class="grid gap-4">
             <div class="grid gap-1.5">
                 <Text variant="secondary" size="sm">Theme</Text>
@@ -29,6 +29,11 @@
                     <Label for="auto-refresh" class="font-normal">Auto refresh</Label>
                     <Switch id="auto-refresh" size="sm" checked={autoRefresh.current} onCheckedChange={setAutoRefresh} aria-label="Auto refresh" />
                 </div>
+                <Radio.Group orientation="horizontal" value={brainrotLevel.current} onValueChange={(next) => setBrainrotLevel(next as BrainrotLevel)}>
+                    <Radio.Item label="Off" value="off" />
+                    <Radio.Item label="On" value="on" />
+                    <Radio.Item label="Weeb" value="weeb" />
+                </Radio.Group>
             </div>
         </div>
     </Popover.Content>
diff --git a/web/src/lib/components/stats/BrainrotPanel.svelte b/web/src/lib/components/stats/BrainrotPanel.svelte
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0687a0d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/web/src/lib/components/stats/BrainrotPanel.svelte
@@ -0,0 +1,113 @@
+<script lang="ts">
+    import ViewportDvdBouncer from "./ViewportDvdBouncer.svelte";
+
+    const videos = [
+        {
+            title: "Subway Surfers gameplay",
+            type: "youtube",
+            src: "https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/i0M4ARe9v0Y?autoplay=1&mute=1&controls=1&loop=1&playlist=i0M4ARe9v0Y&playsinline=1&rel=0&enablejsapi=1",
+        },
+        {
+            title: "CS2 Surf Utopia gameplay",
+            type: "youtube",
+            src: "https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/4fwSVo_bOo8?autoplay=1&mute=1&controls=1&loop=1&playlist=4fwSVo_bOo8&playsinline=1&rel=0&enablejsapi=1",
+        },
+        {
+            title: "Forgetting to rebase on master",
+            type: "local",
+            src: "/brainrot/papermc-rebase.mp4",
+        },
+    ] as const;
+
+    function toggleYoutubeAudio(event: MouseEvent): void {
+        const button = event.currentTarget;
+        if (!(button instanceof HTMLButtonElement)) return;
+
+        const iframe = button.parentElement?.querySelector("iframe");
+        if (!(iframe instanceof HTMLIFrameElement) || !iframe.contentWindow) return;
+
+        const sendCommand = (func: string) => {
+            iframe.contentWindow?.postMessage(JSON.stringify({ event: "command", func, args: [] }), "https://www.youtube-nocookie.com");
+        };
+
+        const enabled = button.dataset.audioEnabled === "true";
+        if (enabled) {
+            sendCommand("mute");
+        } else {
+            sendCommand("unMute");
+            sendCommand("playVideo");
+        }
+        button.dataset.audioEnabled = String(!enabled);
+        button.style.color = enabled ? "" : "var(--color-kumo-success, #4ade80)";
+        button.setAttribute("aria-label", `${enabled ? "Enable" : "Mute"} sound`);
+    }
+</script>
+
+<section aria-label="Brainrot videos">
+    {#each videos as video, index (video.title)}
+        <ViewportDvdBouncer seed={17 + index * 36}>
+            <div class="floating-video border-kumo-line bg-kumo-layer">
+                {#if video.type === "local"}
+                    <video src={video.src} autoplay muted loop playsinline controls aria-label={video.title}></video>
+                {:else}
+                    <div class="youtube-frame">
+                        <iframe src={video.src} title={video.title} allow="autoplay; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
+                        <button class="audio-surface" type="button" onclick={toggleYoutubeAudio} aria-label={`Enable sound for ${video.title}`}></button>
+                    </div>
+                {/if}
+            </div>
+        </ViewportDvdBouncer>
+    {/each}
+</section>
+
+<style>
+    .floating-video {
+        --video-width: min(36vw, 32rem);
+        width: var(--video-width);
+        overflow: hidden;
+        border-radius: 0.75rem;
+        box-shadow: 0 1rem 2.5rem rgb(0 0 0 / 28%);
+        pointer-events: auto;
+        will-change: transform;
+    }
+
+    .floating-video iframe,
+    .floating-video video {
+        display: block;
+        width: 100%;
+        aspect-ratio: 16 / 9;
+        border: 0;
+    }
+
+    .youtube-frame {
+        position: relative;
+    }
+
+    .audio-surface {
+        position: absolute;
+        z-index: 1;
+        inset: 0;
+        width: 100%;
+        height: 100%;
+        border: 0;
+        background: transparent;
+        cursor: pointer;
+    }
+
+    .audio-surface:focus-visible {
+        outline: 3px solid #67e8f9;
+        outline-offset: -0.35rem;
+    }
+
+    @media (min-width: 50.01rem) {
+        .audio-surface {
+            display: none;
+        }
+    }
+
+    @media (max-width: 50rem) {
+        .floating-video {
+            --video-width: min(72vw, 22rem);
+        }
+    }
+</style>
diff --git a/web/src/lib/components/stats/PaperChanCompanion.svelte b/web/src/lib/components/stats/PaperChanCompanion.svelte
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2526ced
--- /dev/null
+++ b/web/src/lib/components/stats/PaperChanCompanion.svelte
@@ -0,0 +1,89 @@
+<aside class="paper-chan" aria-label="Paper Chan companion">
+    <div class="companion-bubble border-kumo-line bg-kumo-layer text-kumo-default">
+        <strong>Paper Chan Companion</strong>
+        <span>Watching your patch queue. Ganbatte! ✨</span>
+    </div>
+    <img src="/brainrot/paper-chan.png" alt="Paper Chan" />
+</aside>
+
+<style>
+    .paper-chan {
+        position: fixed;
+        z-index: 31;
+        right: 1rem;
+        bottom: 1rem;
+        width: clamp(4.5rem, 11vw, 8rem);
+        pointer-events: none;
+        animation: companion-float 3.6s ease-in-out infinite;
+    }
+
+    .paper-chan img {
+        display: block;
+        width: 100%;
+        height: auto;
+        filter: drop-shadow(0 0 0.8rem rgb(236 72 153 / 55%));
+    }
+
+    .companion-bubble {
+        position: absolute;
+        right: 70%;
+        bottom: 75%;
+        display: grid;
+        gap: 0.2rem;
+        width: max-content;
+        max-width: min(15rem, 55vw);
+        padding: 0.6rem 0.7rem;
+        border: 1px solid;
+        border-radius: 0.75rem;
+        box-shadow: 0 0.75rem 1.5rem rgb(0 0 0 / 18%);
+        font-size: 0.7rem;
+    }
+
+    .companion-bubble::after {
+        position: absolute;
+        right: 0.75rem;
+        bottom: -0.4rem;
+        width: 0.75rem;
+        height: 0.75rem;
+        content: "";
+        border-right: 1px solid;
+        border-bottom: 1px solid;
+        background: inherit;
+        transform: rotate(45deg);
+    }
+
+    .companion-bubble strong {
+        font-size: 0.75rem;
+    }
+
+    .companion-bubble span {
+        color: var(--color-kumo-subtle, currentColor);
+    }
+
+    @keyframes companion-float {
+        0%,
+        100% {
+            transform: translateY(0) rotate(-1deg);
+        }
+        50% {
+            transform: translateY(-0.7rem) rotate(1deg);
+        }
+    }
+
+    @media (prefers-reduced-motion: reduce) {
+        .paper-chan {
+            animation-play-state: paused;
+        }
+    }
+
+    @media (max-width: 50rem) {
+        .paper-chan {
+            right: 0.35rem;
+            bottom: 0.35rem;
+        }
+
+        .companion-bubble {
+            right: 55%;
+        }
+    }
+</style>
diff --git a/web/src/lib/components/stats/PaperLogo.svelte b/web/src/lib/components/stats/PaperLogo.svelte
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..072e7e6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/web/src/lib/components/stats/PaperLogo.svelte
@@ -0,0 +1,56 @@
+<div class="paper-logo" aria-hidden="true">
+    <img src="https://assets.papermc.io/brand/papermc_logo.256.png" alt="" />
+</div>
+
+<style>
+    .paper-logo {
+        width: 6rem;
+        isolation: isolate;
+    }
+
+    .paper-logo::before {
+        position: absolute;
+        z-index: -1;
+        inset: -1.25rem;
+        content: "";
+        border-radius: 50%;
+        background: conic-gradient(#22d3ee, #818cf8, #e879f9, #fb7185, #facc15, #22d3ee);
+        filter: blur(1.1rem);
+        opacity: 0.82;
+        mix-blend-mode: screen;
+        animation:
+            glow-spin 5s linear infinite,
+            glow-pulse 2.4s ease-in-out infinite alternate;
+    }
+
+    .paper-logo img {
+        display: block;
+        width: 100%;
+        height: auto;
+        filter: drop-shadow(0 0 0.2rem #fff) drop-shadow(0 0 0.8rem #67e8f9) drop-shadow(0 0 1.2rem #e879f9);
+    }
+
+    @keyframes glow-spin {
+        to {
+            transform: rotate(360deg);
+        }
+    }
+
+    @keyframes glow-pulse {
+        to {
+            opacity: 0.98;
+        }
+    }
+
+    @media (prefers-reduced-motion: reduce) {
+        .paper-logo::before {
+            animation-play-state: paused;
+        }
+    }
+
+    @media (max-width: 26rem) {
+        .paper-logo {
+            width: 4.5rem;
+        }
+    }
+</style>
diff --git a/web/src/lib/components/stats/ViewportDvdBouncer.svelte b/web/src/lib/components/stats/ViewportDvdBouncer.svelte
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..04731c9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/web/src/lib/components/stats/ViewportDvdBouncer.svelte
@@ -0,0 +1,121 @@
+<script lang="ts">
+    import type { Snippet } from "svelte";
+
+    interface Props {
+        children: Snippet;
+        seed?: number;
+        speed?: number;
+        zIndex?: number;
+        ariaHidden?: boolean;
+    }
+
+    let { children, seed = 1, speed = 1, zIndex = 20, ariaHidden = false }: Props = $props();
+
+    function seededRandom(initialSeed: number): () => number {
+        let state = initialSeed >>> 0;
+
+        return () => {
+            state = (state * 1664525 + 1013904223) >>> 0;
+            return state / 4294967296;
+        };
+    }
+
+    function dvdBounce(initialSeed: number, speedMultiplier: number) {
+        return (bouncer: HTMLDivElement) => {
+            const random = seededRandom(initialSeed);
+            const viewportSize = () => ({
+                width: window.visualViewport?.width ?? window.innerWidth,
+                height: window.visualViewport?.height ?? window.innerHeight,
+            });
+            const maxPosition = () => {
+                const viewport = viewportSize();
+                return {
+                    x: Math.max(0, viewport.width - bouncer.offsetWidth),
+                    y: Math.max(0, viewport.height - bouncer.offsetHeight),
+                };
+            };
+            const position = maxPosition();
+            const state = {
+                x: random() * position.x,
+                y: random() * position.y,
+                vx: (random() > 0.5 ? 1 : -1) * (0.85 + random() * 0.85) * speedMultiplier,
+                vy: (random() > 0.5 ? 1 : -1) * (0.85 + random() * 0.85) * speedMultiplier,
+            };
+
+            const render = () => {
+                bouncer.style.transform = `translate3d(${state.x}px, ${state.y}px, 0)`;
+            };
+            const clamp = () => {
+                const position = maxPosition();
+                state.x = Math.max(0, Math.min(state.x, position.x));
+                state.y = Math.max(0, Math.min(state.y, position.y));
+                render();
+            };
+
+            const resizeObserver = new ResizeObserver(clamp);
+            resizeObserver.observe(bouncer);
+            window.addEventListener("resize", clamp, { passive: true });
+            window.visualViewport?.addEventListener("resize", clamp, { passive: true });
+
+            render();
+            let frame = 0;
+            let previous = performance.now();
+            const tick = (now: number) => {
+                const delta = Math.min((now - previous) / 16.67, 2);
+                previous = now;
+                const position = maxPosition();
+
+                state.x += state.vx * delta;
+                state.y += state.vy * delta;
+
+                if (position.x > 0 && (state.x <= 0 || state.x >= position.x)) {
+                    state.x = Math.max(0, Math.min(state.x, position.x));
+                    state.vx *= -1;
+                }
+                if (position.y > 0 && (state.y <= 0 || state.y >= position.y)) {
+                    state.y = Math.max(0, Math.min(state.y, position.y));
+                    state.vy *= -1;
+                }
+
+                render();
+                frame = requestAnimationFrame(tick);
+            };
+
+            if (!window.matchMedia("(prefers-reduced-motion: reduce)").matches) {
+                frame = requestAnimationFrame(tick);
+            }
+
+            return () => {
+                cancelAnimationFrame(frame);
+                resizeObserver.disconnect();
+                window.removeEventListener("resize", clamp);
+                window.visualViewport?.removeEventListener("resize", clamp);
+            };
+        };
+    }
+</script>
+
+<div class="viewport-bouncer" style:z-index={zIndex} aria-hidden={ariaHidden}>
+    <div class="bouncer" {@attach dvdBounce(seed, speed)}>
+        {@render children()}
+    </div>
+</div>
+
+<style>
+    .viewport-bouncer {
+        position: fixed;
+        z-index: 20;
+        inset: 0;
+        overflow: hidden;
+        pointer-events: none;
+    }
+
+    .bouncer {
+        position: absolute;
+        top: 0;
+        left: 0;
+        width: max-content;
+        pointer-events: none;
+        will-change: transform;
+    }
+</style>
diff --git a/web/src/lib/settings.svelte.ts b/web/src/lib/settings.svelte.ts
index caa73b9..642fa6e 100644
--- a/web/src/lib/settings.svelte.ts
+++ b/web/src/lib/settings.svelte.ts
@@ -1,6 +1,10 @@
 import { PersistedState } from "runed";
 
 export const AUTO_REFRESH_STORAGE_KEY = "auto-refresh";
+export const BRAINROT_STORAGE_KEY = "brainrot";
+export const BRAINROT_LEVEL_STORAGE_KEY = "brainrot-level";
+
+export type BrainrotLevel = "off" | "on" | "weeb";
 
 export const autoRefresh = new PersistedState(AUTO_REFRESH_STORAGE_KEY, false, {
     serializer: {
@@ -9,6 +13,32 @@ export const autoRefresh = new PersistedState(AUTO_REFRESH_STORAGE_KEY, false, {
     },
 });
 
+export const brainrot = new PersistedState(BRAINROT_STORAGE_KEY, false, {
+    serializer: {
+        serialize: String,
+        deserialize: (value) => value === "true",
+    },
+});
+
+export const brainrotLevel = new PersistedState<BrainrotLevel>(BRAINROT_LEVEL_STORAGE_KEY, "off", {
+    serializer: {
+        serialize: String,
+        deserialize: (value) => {
+            if (value === "on" || value === "weeb") return value;
+            if (value === "paper-chan") return "weeb";
+            return "off";
+        },
+    },
+});
+
 export function setAutoRefresh(next: boolean): void {
     autoRefresh.current = next;
 }
+
+export function setBrainrot(next: boolean): void {
+    brainrot.current = next;
+}
+
+export function setBrainrotLevel(next: BrainrotLevel): void {
+    brainrotLevel.current = next;
+}
diff --git a/web/src/routes/+page.svelte b/web/src/routes/+page.svelte
index 31fb988..e6f3bb2 100644
--- a/web/src/routes/+page.svelte
+++ b/web/src/routes/+page.svelte
@@ -6,9 +6,14 @@
     import RefreshButton from "$lib/components/header/RefreshButton.svelte";
     import VersionSelect from "$lib/components/header/VersionSelect.svelte";
     import PatchesTable from "$lib/components/patches/PatchesTable.svelte";
+    import BrainrotPanel from "$lib/components/stats/BrainrotPanel.svelte";
     import LeaderboardCard from "$lib/components/stats/LeaderboardCard.svelte";
+    import PaperChanCompanion from "$lib/components/stats/PaperChanCompanion.svelte";
+    import PaperLogo from "$lib/components/stats/PaperLogo.svelte";
     import StatsOverview from "$lib/components/stats/StatsOverview.svelte";
+    import ViewportDvdBouncer from "$lib/components/stats/ViewportDvdBouncer.svelte";
     import { baseQueryOptions, queryKeys } from "$lib/queries";
+    import { brainrotLevel } from "$lib/settings.svelte";
 
     const queryClient = useQueryClient();
 
@@ -95,3 +100,13 @@
         {/if}
     </main>
 </div>
+
+{#if brainrotLevel.current !== "off" && activeView === "stats"}
+    <BrainrotPanel />
+    <ViewportDvdBouncer seed={901} speed={1.05} zIndex={30} ariaHidden>
+        <PaperLogo />
+    </ViewportDvdBouncer>
+    {#if brainrotLevel.current === "weeb"}
+        <PaperChanCompanion />
+    {/if}
+{/if}
diff --git a/web/static/brainrot/paper-chan.png b/web/static/brainrot/paper-chan.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8fb92b7
Binary files /dev/null and b/web/static/brainrot/paper-chan.png differ
diff --git a/web/static/brainrot/papermc-rebase.mp4 b/web/static/brainrot/papermc-rebase.mp4
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4617172
Binary files /dev/null and b/web/static/brainrot/papermc-rebase.mp4 differ